Sigo pensando, aun habiendo pasado 3 años, si la decisión que tomé fue la correcta. Yo creo que sí, al menos no me arrepiento. No sé si lo volvería a hacer, más que nada porque al haber rechazado la oportunidad en ese momento creí que más se iban a dar en el futuro, por lo que ahora la ansiedad de experimentar eso está en juego y pondría en juego mi criterio.
No, volvería a hacer lo mismo. Y no me arrepentiría tampoco, tal vez solamente aclararía la situación un poco, cosa que no pude hacer la primera vez por falta de meditación en el tema y porque no estaba realmente seguro de la razón por la que lo hice. De hecho, nunca estoy realmente seguro de las razones por las que hago algunas cosas importantes, siempre está el ideal del subconsciente que no me hace creer que mis razones, que creo racionales, no tienen un trasfondo oculto y desconocido para mi parte consiente.
También explicaría las cosas para no quedar, como quedé esa vez, como un boludo. No porque me moleste quedar como un boludo, bueno, de hecho sí me molesta pero si me termina pasando por cosas que no estaban bajo mi control o conocimiento. Esa vez era quedar como un boludo o un forro, y bueno, elegí la primera. A mis ojos era o rechazar la oportunidad, y quedar como un boludo a la vista de terceros (pero sin haber explicado el porqué de mi accionar) o volverme un forro y cargar con el peso de mis acciones. Si bien tenía ciertos beneficios aceptar la oferta, sabía que no me iba a gustar, me iba a sentir culpable y que iba a terminar haciendo daño a los terceros implicados, por lo que dije que no.
Ahora viene otro punto, la explicación:
Sin haber explicado, para los ojos ajenos, soy un boludo. Yo lo entiendo y no lo critico, no estaban tan metidos en el tema como yo como para saber todo, porque si sabían toda la historia de trasfondo las reacciones a mi rechazo iban a ser dos, y muy opuestas:
Los forros, que me seguirían considerando un boludo por no haber hecho el mismo accionar que ellos, que a mis ojos, es el de un forro y que se cagan en los demás, en especial en un tema tan delicado como este y los que comprenderían.
Y frente a los ojos de estos terceros, que su bienestar, si bien no físico, estaba a mi merced?
También, quedé como un boludo por rechazar la oferta que estaba en la mesa, que ellos mismos ofrecieron. Aunque eso porque no se enteraron de la verdadera razón de mi rechazo y, si bien me imagino que cambiarían de postura, no quiero suponer nada si se enterasen del verdadero porqué. Y realmente poco me importa.
Y finalmente, tal vez sólo me estoy echando buena luz sobre un tema en el que realmente… soy un boludo, pero no puedo saberlo, si bien me considero objetivo, sé que es imposible que lo sea, como cualquier otra persona.
Así que… Quedamos en nada.
sábado, 29 de mayo de 2010
lunes, 3 de mayo de 2010
Baba O'Riley
As in any other day, I didn’t want to go to college, don’t get me wrong, I like to learn, but the lectures are too boring. I wasn’t made to be in a classroom for 3 hours. Adding that I have to take the bus at 6 AM while being just 10’ if I take it or 1 hour if I walk (it’s 4km from my house to the place) and that the god damn bus takes half an hour to come to the bus stop (yes, I have to wait 30’ to do a mere 10’ travel, fucking awesome) you can imagine that I’m not very pleased to be standing there like an idiot at 6 AM in the morning.
But I like that hour, there is few people in the street and that’s just in the mayor avenue where I take the bus, if I walk a few blocks away I get in a residential zone that, around that time, it’s completely deserted, only people that start to work/go to college early are in the street waiting for their busses. I also like to walk, so that, plus few people in the street, plus “me don’t liking to wait the bus” is equal to… walk around the streets, just drifting.
I walked for half an hour, maybe 40 minutes, when I found another stop of my bus and I decided to go to college, I didn’t really care if I came late, I was, after all, already late because of my morning walk. I was the only one in the street, with just a stray dog as a companion. I looked around and I realized that the zone I was is very pretty. There are few apartment buildings, most of them were houses, the biggest being just three story, and a small grocery. And while it’s pretty deserted the neighborhood is not dangerous, which makes the things even better.
So, I was there, minding my own business when I heard some shouting coming from the next street, I couldn’t see what was going on but I realized that they were coming in this way and, as I presumed, the makers of the noise appeared in the corner of the street (I was, more or less, in the middle of the street) and turned into my position. Let me get this right, they didn’t come to me because of me, they just headed where I was. In fact, just “he” headed into my, because the others where following, let me explain:
There were 5 guys, everyone was drunk but two of them seemed to be more sober than the others. Four of them were following another fella that was a few meters ahead of them, I didn’t get anything of their chat, but I realized that he wasn’t very liked by the group of four.
The lone guy was keeping his shit together, or tried to. He was afraid, I could notice it, but he was acting like a cool guy, with his hands in his pockets, like if the other four drunk weren’t harassing him. However, he threw a look backwards now and then at the group of 4. By his walking I could say that he wasn’t one of the 2 sober guys. He was slim, not very tall, average, with decent clothes and not even a kilogram of muscle in his body. The other four in contrast were big and fat, well, only one was just plain fat, one of the sobers was slim but muscular and the other two looked that bouncers. If the four got with the little pal, he was going to be in a very shitty situation. And that’s just what end up happening…
The lone guy keep walking however when he was at 10 meters from me one of the group speed up and grab him by the shoulder, the other 3 joined seconds later. The little fella shacked the hand off his shoulder which, while being a ballsy move, wasn’t very smart. The fat one charged at him but he jumped to a side and the fat one seemed like a bull in and the little one like a matador. But this moment of glory crashed at the same speed of the punch he received by one of the bouncers, the same that grabbed his shoulder before. It was in the face, didn’t seem to be a hard hit because of how he threw the punch, but it was, after all, a hit to the head. The guy was raising his arms when he was struck, after the hit, his arms when to covering the face in pain. And walked a few steps in a lousy way, when he stopped he was struck again by the same bouncer but this time the hit was a good one, the whole punch went to the middle of the head and his body went limp. He stayed there, lying in the street.
To all this I was still in the bus stop. I’m not an idiot, so I didn’t go to help him, I don’t even know him so why I would have to care? The thing is, what if the four guys weren’t satisfied with beating the shit out of just one guy?
Being at just 10 meters I had a wonderful view of the beating. When it all started I didn’t move a muscle, I know is not the smartest thing but I’m known for not doing wiser things. I was standing on the stop pole, with my arms and legs crossed, and my face in a neutral expression. Both sobers looked at me after the little fella went limp, their friends were “playing” with the unconscious guy. The small one nodded at me with an attitude of “What are you looking at?” quickly I raised my hands showing that I mean no harm, at this moment I got scared and prepared to run. Luckily the sober bouncer called his friends and they walked away from the same way they came. When I finally lost visual contact with them, I exhaled.
I stayed next to the pole for 5 minutes, the guy was still laying there , I didn’t knew if I should approach him, call an ambulance or what, but I thought that trying to wake him up was the first thing I should do, so I came close to him and started to shake him, he didn’t respond. He was still breathing, though, the beating had left him with a future black eye, a broken lip and a brazen jacket, while he seemed to have had better times, he got it cheap. Since he wasn’t responding my lowest urges came upon me and I looked for his wallet, not only to see if he had any ID with him, I… wanted to see if I could get a few bucks richer. After all, he had coins to take a bus and he was well dressed, he wasn’t going to miss that money… which wasn’t much, only ten lousy pesos. I put them in my pocket and started to look for his cell phone, I was going to leave the chip, I’m not that asshole.
However in that moment, I don’t know if because destiny wants to fuck with me or because someone heard the fight, a cruiser appeared in the corner of my eye. Then, the sound I’ll never forget, the “bleep” that the police cars make, not the siren, it’s another sound that it’s used to attract attention, and hell if it did.
So there I was, crouched next to an unconscious and bloodied guy with his wallet in my hands. Things didn’t look very well for me, even while being innocent. I understand why the cops though what they though, even more my actions didn’t help to remove that idea… After seeing the police cop I did another smart thing: I ran like hell.
Seriously, when I say I run like hell I mean it, like if the very same devil was at my heels, I don’t know how, but I fucking run ignoring everything. Luckily I got two very lazy police officers and I wasn’t near my home (which means that they will do a search for me in an area I almost never walk… If they, in fact, do a search which is something I doubt) so I ran a few blocks in a random way, make sure that I had lost them: one of them get out of the car, a fat one, which stopped running after the first block, I beat the cruiser going in the opposite way in one-way streets, again, luckily for me, a car appeared and the cruiser had to stop.
I took off my jacket and my hat, hopped in a bus that leaved me *near* home and then walked to home as nothing. I’m a bit nervous but… I’m ten pesos richer!
Clic to make it bigger, references below
In the end, I guess it wasn’t "any" other day.
Graphic:
*Red: What I did walking, the longest one is what I did when I was just walking, the second is to my house.
*Blue: What I did running, the green line is where I lost the police car. It wasn't all running, after losing the cops I ran a few blocks more and then I jogged, I'm not superman.
*Yellow: What I did by bus.
But I like that hour, there is few people in the street and that’s just in the mayor avenue where I take the bus, if I walk a few blocks away I get in a residential zone that, around that time, it’s completely deserted, only people that start to work/go to college early are in the street waiting for their busses. I also like to walk, so that, plus few people in the street, plus “me don’t liking to wait the bus” is equal to… walk around the streets, just drifting.
I walked for half an hour, maybe 40 minutes, when I found another stop of my bus and I decided to go to college, I didn’t really care if I came late, I was, after all, already late because of my morning walk. I was the only one in the street, with just a stray dog as a companion. I looked around and I realized that the zone I was is very pretty. There are few apartment buildings, most of them were houses, the biggest being just three story, and a small grocery. And while it’s pretty deserted the neighborhood is not dangerous, which makes the things even better.
So, I was there, minding my own business when I heard some shouting coming from the next street, I couldn’t see what was going on but I realized that they were coming in this way and, as I presumed, the makers of the noise appeared in the corner of the street (I was, more or less, in the middle of the street) and turned into my position. Let me get this right, they didn’t come to me because of me, they just headed where I was. In fact, just “he” headed into my, because the others where following, let me explain:
There were 5 guys, everyone was drunk but two of them seemed to be more sober than the others. Four of them were following another fella that was a few meters ahead of them, I didn’t get anything of their chat, but I realized that he wasn’t very liked by the group of four.
The lone guy was keeping his shit together, or tried to. He was afraid, I could notice it, but he was acting like a cool guy, with his hands in his pockets, like if the other four drunk weren’t harassing him. However, he threw a look backwards now and then at the group of 4. By his walking I could say that he wasn’t one of the 2 sober guys. He was slim, not very tall, average, with decent clothes and not even a kilogram of muscle in his body. The other four in contrast were big and fat, well, only one was just plain fat, one of the sobers was slim but muscular and the other two looked that bouncers. If the four got with the little pal, he was going to be in a very shitty situation. And that’s just what end up happening…
The lone guy keep walking however when he was at 10 meters from me one of the group speed up and grab him by the shoulder, the other 3 joined seconds later. The little fella shacked the hand off his shoulder which, while being a ballsy move, wasn’t very smart. The fat one charged at him but he jumped to a side and the fat one seemed like a bull in and the little one like a matador. But this moment of glory crashed at the same speed of the punch he received by one of the bouncers, the same that grabbed his shoulder before. It was in the face, didn’t seem to be a hard hit because of how he threw the punch, but it was, after all, a hit to the head. The guy was raising his arms when he was struck, after the hit, his arms when to covering the face in pain. And walked a few steps in a lousy way, when he stopped he was struck again by the same bouncer but this time the hit was a good one, the whole punch went to the middle of the head and his body went limp. He stayed there, lying in the street.
To all this I was still in the bus stop. I’m not an idiot, so I didn’t go to help him, I don’t even know him so why I would have to care? The thing is, what if the four guys weren’t satisfied with beating the shit out of just one guy?
Being at just 10 meters I had a wonderful view of the beating. When it all started I didn’t move a muscle, I know is not the smartest thing but I’m known for not doing wiser things. I was standing on the stop pole, with my arms and legs crossed, and my face in a neutral expression. Both sobers looked at me after the little fella went limp, their friends were “playing” with the unconscious guy. The small one nodded at me with an attitude of “What are you looking at?” quickly I raised my hands showing that I mean no harm, at this moment I got scared and prepared to run. Luckily the sober bouncer called his friends and they walked away from the same way they came. When I finally lost visual contact with them, I exhaled.
I stayed next to the pole for 5 minutes, the guy was still laying there , I didn’t knew if I should approach him, call an ambulance or what, but I thought that trying to wake him up was the first thing I should do, so I came close to him and started to shake him, he didn’t respond. He was still breathing, though, the beating had left him with a future black eye, a broken lip and a brazen jacket, while he seemed to have had better times, he got it cheap. Since he wasn’t responding my lowest urges came upon me and I looked for his wallet, not only to see if he had any ID with him, I… wanted to see if I could get a few bucks richer. After all, he had coins to take a bus and he was well dressed, he wasn’t going to miss that money… which wasn’t much, only ten lousy pesos. I put them in my pocket and started to look for his cell phone, I was going to leave the chip, I’m not that asshole.
However in that moment, I don’t know if because destiny wants to fuck with me or because someone heard the fight, a cruiser appeared in the corner of my eye. Then, the sound I’ll never forget, the “bleep” that the police cars make, not the siren, it’s another sound that it’s used to attract attention, and hell if it did.
So there I was, crouched next to an unconscious and bloodied guy with his wallet in my hands. Things didn’t look very well for me, even while being innocent. I understand why the cops though what they though, even more my actions didn’t help to remove that idea… After seeing the police cop I did another smart thing: I ran like hell.
Seriously, when I say I run like hell I mean it, like if the very same devil was at my heels, I don’t know how, but I fucking run ignoring everything. Luckily I got two very lazy police officers and I wasn’t near my home (which means that they will do a search for me in an area I almost never walk… If they, in fact, do a search which is something I doubt) so I ran a few blocks in a random way, make sure that I had lost them: one of them get out of the car, a fat one, which stopped running after the first block, I beat the cruiser going in the opposite way in one-way streets, again, luckily for me, a car appeared and the cruiser had to stop.
I took off my jacket and my hat, hopped in a bus that leaved me *near* home and then walked to home as nothing. I’m a bit nervous but… I’m ten pesos richer!
Clic to make it bigger, references belowIn the end, I guess it wasn’t "any" other day.
Graphic:
*Red: What I did walking, the longest one is what I did when I was just walking, the second is to my house.
*Blue: What I did running, the green line is where I lost the police car. It wasn't all running, after losing the cops I ran a few blocks more and then I jogged, I'm not superman.
*Yellow: What I did by bus.
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